I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
