My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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