Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
