He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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