You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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