Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
