in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
