is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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