Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
