Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
