Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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