I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
