dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
