If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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