is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
