You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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