I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
