smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
