There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
