I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
