is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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