I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
