I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I want her autograph on my taint
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
