We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Houston, we have a squirter
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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