I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
