The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize