I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
