My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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