At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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