I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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