I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
