her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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