So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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