I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize