Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
