Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
