Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
