Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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