Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
