I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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