what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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