She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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