I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize