DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
