Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize