no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
