after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I want her autograph on my taint
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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