I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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