You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
