Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
