The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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