Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
