Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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