Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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