I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
