just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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