every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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