i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
