It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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