Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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