Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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