DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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