Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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