i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize