Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
