I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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