so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
