Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize