If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize