I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
