So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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