Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
