Got a toothbrush?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
