I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize